EFT Telehealth Can Save Your Marriage at CHC

During these more than uncertain times, when couples have the massive added stress of COVID-19, educating children from home, challenges with work while raising kids, it is more important than ever to have help with your relationship.

The divorce rate soared after the Wuhan COVID crisis slowed down as noted in this Bloomberg article here. The warning is that there will be similar cases across the country here. ‘Even when the epidemic abates and life can return to relative normalcy, the psychological and economic strains are expected to endure for months’. One of the best ways to counter this is with Emotionally Focused Therapy on-line at CHC. EFT has a success rate of 70-90% compared to other forms of couple therapy. Please go to the EFT pages on the website to learn more.

After providing in-person couples therapy for over 25 years, I have transitioned to Telehealth/Teletherapy format to continue to support the needs of my clients. As a result, I found it highly beneficial which has also been noted by the couples I currently see online. That said, I completed four on-line trainings as well as a Law and Ethics Telehealth training to ensure I am up to speed, which made a tremendous difference.

Give your relationship the care it needs during these very uncertain times and reach out to CHC for EFT today by calling 443-254-0686.

How Can I Forgive You? The Courage to Forgive the Freedom not to.

When partners are traumatized by infidelity and betrayal, ‘How Can I Forgive You’ helps the body and heart of the reader begin to explore options to healing. For example,  how not to be caught up the pain that in many cases keeps the person who has been betrayed, hurting more.  It is also helpful for the partner who had the affair, read or listen to, in order for them to better understand the pain their partner is experiencing.  Reading out loud to one another helps provide  healing and creates connection and understanding. Click Here to Order NOW!

What is the difference between Neediness and sharing your Needs?

So the topic of expressing needs vs. being needy came up recently and I thought this was such an important issue that ‘needs’ to be more fully explored and understood.  It is not easy letting your partner know your needs, especially when there have been very negative interactional cycles hijacking your relationship and not allowing for safety.  We may fear being seen as ‘weak’ or ‘needy’ when it comes to letting our loved one know our needs, so we march on and believe in some way they should just know what we need and not have to tell them.  Then again, this could fuel the negative pattern we are caught in because if they don’t know our needs, they won’t be able to be there.  All too often we then end up feeling crushed because they aren’t there for us so we respond coldly or angrily, leaving them to wonder what has made us upset now, and further fueling the negative cycle.

Please be advised, asking to have our needs met works best when we are not caught in negative cycles with our partners.  This is the first Stage of EFT, and sometimes the longest part and most challenging part of helping couples gradually reconnect.  Staying out of negative cycles is not easy, but better yet, understanding them and helping each other understand and guide each other out of them, is what it is all about.  To learn more about negative cycles, please go to the menu bar for ‘Couples Therapy’.

Securely attached individuals ask in a healthy way for their needs to be met in times of need, and expect them to be. This is not easy for those working toward earned secure attachment and still stuck in cycles. This may lead to questions such as: Are my needs legitimate? Can you really be there for me or will you let me down again? Will I get stung or rejected, or will you only sometimes meet my needs if I ask for them to be met? Will you outright neglect my needs?  All of this is vulnerable and scary as it is unknown territory because we are taking a big risk putting ourselves out there and potentially being hurt, especially if we have been hurt in the past. 

The article listed here, by my colleague, explores how ‘neediness vs. asking for our needs to be met’ provides further clarification.  So next time you are hoping your partner will get your needs met without you having to ask and then feeling let down when it doesn’t happen, take a moments and ask yourself, ‘Did I let him/her know what I needed in a heathy way that gives them a chance to be there fore me?’

Oh and by the way, understanding attachment, the cornerstone of connection, can help us comprehend why sharing our needs and having them responded to is so important.  Attachment, which starts out in infancy  (please type ‘Attachment’ in the search bar of my website to learn more about this very important process) indicates that we are hard-wired to connect and that we are more likely to evolve and be fully ourselves when we experience the love and belonging of another.  When our significant other isn’t there, or has let us down, it makes sense that we worry they won’t be there for us again in the future.  However, once the negative patterns slow down between the two of you, it can become safer to request your needs in a healthy manner and have them be heard.  That is, neither hinting sarcastically or overtly demanding, but being able to withstand a loving choice by our partner to not meet the need, is important for us to learn and experience as well.