Suggested Reading

The following recommended books and resources help augment the couples therapy when couples are experiencing difficulty in their relationship, and may be viewed by reading them out loud together or separately.  

Some prospective couples have found it beneficial to read the ‘Hold Me Tight’ book by Dr. Susan Johnson prior to or during the therapy.  The ‘Emotionally Focused Workbook for Couples: The Two of Us,” is a wonderful way to consolidate our work in session and can be very supportive to the process between sessions.

Emotionally Focused Therapy is a powerfully, deep therapeutic process that creates lasting change in the relationship.  When combined with these resources, the changes can be profound.  Sadly, these resources cannot replace the effectiveness of Emotionally Focused Therapy but do facilitate the process.

The ‘Demon Dialogues’ and ways to stop the cycle and pain.

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‘Hold Me Tight’ by Dr. Susan Johnson is a must read for any couple embarking on the journey of reconnecting and rebuilding their primary relationship.  It is my first recommended reading for any couple beginning couples therapy for several reasons.  Number one, the book helps one understand the science and research behind EFT, because it is not some fly by night couples therapy approach, but has deep scientific roots.  Second, Dr. Johnson lays out the dances couples become caught in found in the section entitled ‘Demon Dialogues’ which enables couples to see that they are not alone in their dances and can start to identify when they become caught so they can stop these demon dances.  Third, the deeper core wounds or attachment injuries can and do occur as a result of the negative dances and she gives hope on how to help couples moving through the hurts.  Using this book alone to change your relationship, especially when you have been caught in pain and disconnection for some time, can help but it is not enough.  It will help to facilitate your process when combined with Emotionally Focused Therapy.

A workbook based on EFT methods to help build a sold foundation for connection.

This hands on must read, resource  helps couples begin the process of building a foundation of new ways of connecting together.  While Hold Me Tight is an excellent primer for therapy, this workbook will help carry the couple throughout the therapeutic process to really integrate the experience of therapy and create more safety between sessions.  Reading and doing the exercises in the book together, between sessions, helps each partner better understand themselves, their partner and their relationship, and the deep connective work they have done in the session.  The reason I recommend this book so strongly is because I noticed that couples who integrate the workbook into their therapeutic process, build more safety and connection within their relationship and between sessions, progress through the therapeutic process more quickly. Oh and BTW, I have utilized the book within my own relationship and really enjoyed getting to know my husband and my patterns with him even more.

Created For Connection: The ‘Hold Me Tight’ Guide for Christian Couples

Are you looking to enrich a healthy relationship, revitalize a tired one, or rescue one gone awry? This book helps you do both and to incorporate the teachings of God into your marriage. We all want a lifetime of love, support, and faith. But sometimes we need a little help.

Enter Dr. Sue Johnson, developer of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) and “the best couple therapist in the world,” according to bestselling relationship expert Dr. John Gottman. In CREATED FOR CONNECTION, Dr. Johnson and Kenneth Sanderfer, a leading EFT practitioner in the Christian community, share Johnson’s groundbreaking and remarkably successful program for creating stronger, more secure relationships not only between partners, but between us and God.  CREATED FOR CONNECTION will ensure a lifetime of love.

The seminal read for partners when an attachment injury such as infidelity has occurred.

Shirley Glass helps both the person who cheated and the one who was cheated on understand one another’s experience as though they are in the shoes of the other and what has created these tragic events.  This is a book many cannot put down and is usually devoured when an affair has been recognized.  Please couple this process with Hold Me Tight otherwise it can be too much at one time. Caution:  Creating a timeline of the infidelity,  will only create more PTSD symptoms making it harder to heal.  I am not suggesting that the evens be ignored, they, in fact, need to be processed with the partner in a way the partner can hear the pain not only the rage.

How Can I Forgive You?

When partners are traumatized by infidelity and betrayal, ‘How Can I Forgive You’ helps the body and heart of the reader begin to explore options to healing. For example,  how not to be caught up the pain that in many cases keeps the person who has been betrayed, hurting more.  It is also helpful for the partner who had the affair, read or listen to, in order for them to better understand the pain their partner is experiencing.  Reading out loud to one another helps provide  healing and creates connection and understanding.

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Binge Eating Disorder: The Journey to Recovery and Beyond by Amy Pershing with Chevese Turner

This amazingly informative and insightful book helps individuals and partners who struggle with the leading eating disorder in the country, binge eating disorder, understand what drives this disorder and how and who we can turn to for love and support. Please note, many of the challenges identified in this book are eerily similar to other addictions people struggle with. At the end of the day it all comes down to connection and where we lost it, and how we try to fill it with food.